


the one and only

by IsleofSolitude



Series: we could count the stars like our kills [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Mentions of Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 23:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15739413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofSolitude/pseuds/IsleofSolitude
Summary: "You only get one chance at the first time." Ino centric.Originally posted on ff.net in Jan 2013.





	the one and only

**Author's Note:**

> This was written and posted in 2013, so obviously it's not canon after a certain point, but while writing it I tried to stick closely to filling in the gaps of canon.

_“Ino can be logical. But she prefers experience, memories.”_

** The One and Only **

Ino’s first love is a boy with deep, dark eyes and hair that makes her resolve to never buy generic again. He is driven, she can tell right away, and she likes that. Smart is also a huge plus, and the one time she sees him smirk at her she goes pinker than her shy friend’s hair.

Ino knows it is not love at first, because looks and brains and passion are things she can find anywhere, and she’s content with just a small enough crush to make the stomach butterflies and rosy cheeks come out to play.

She ends up stumbling upon love like it was that stupid root in the forest.

Sakura had been missing all day and she’s more than worried, because stupid Ami and her gaggle of harpies have been missing as well. Ino’s searching for them when she hears crying and taunting, a mixture that makes her blood boil. She runs, fearing the worse, forgetting her usual caution and grace when it came to looking where she’s going, and ends up sprawled on the ground, breath knocked out of her. By the time she orients herself again and reaches the clearing, she hears a tearful “Thank you”.

Curious, she doesn’t reveal herself, merely peeks out and sees her pink haired, trouble magnet of a friend standing with her crush. They are a few feet apart, Sasuke standing with his hands in his pockets and looking over his shoulder towards the opposite end of the clearing. Sakura is kneeling on the ground, and Ino’s fist clenches as she sees the bleeding scrapes and developing bruises. She can hear Sakura’s sniffling.

Sakura looks up, and then down quickly, and the shyness, born of self esteem issues, eats at Ino’s heart. “Thanks again for…telling them…to stop…”

He shrugs, turning his head back to the girl on the ground. “I can’t stand bullies.” They stay like that for a moment, her gaze on the ground, his gaze somewhere to the left of her, eyebrows crinkling as the minutes tick on. Ino is just about to make her presence known when “Why are you still sitting there? Get up.”

Sakura does so shakily, brushing stones from her knees, walking slowly away, biting her lip. The boy falls in step with her, although still a few feet away, making her flinch and fold in on herself. Ino catches his frown.

“Relax. Those kids won’t be back if I walk you home, right?”

The blonde child watches them disappear, and can feel the stupid, gigantic grin on her face and the warmth in her stomach. Dashing good looks and focused energy would never add up to caring for those she cared about, would never add up to kindness. Amongst the other thoughts in her head (about catching up with Ami, about another talk with Sakura to stand up for herself, about what errands had her mother asked her to run), a part of her basks in the knowledge of love.

_(It was only a few weeks later that she got to experience the pain of losing a friend.)_

* * *

 

Ino would take the story of her first kiss to the grave. Don’t get her wrong, it wasn’t horrible or humorous, like Naruto’s and Sasuke’s, or unforgettable, like Kiba’s and Tenten’s. Rather, it was her own lovely little memory, and she was selfish and loathed to share it.

She, Asuma, and Shikamaru were huddled around a tiny bed, listening with pale faces to numerous beeps and blips. Choji had gained consciousness hours before, but not for long. They all wanted to be there when he woke up again, but they didn’t know when (and Ino hoped it was a “when” and not an “if”, because even though the doctors assured them he was ok, Ino couldn’t dispel her fears). It was going on four hours of silent vigil when Asuma finally persuaded Shikamaru to come get food with him. The boy looked dead on his feet, Ino thought, and then flinched and prayed she didn’t tempt feet.

They had been gone for most of an hour when her name had been rasped out.

She darted up (“Oh, Choji!”) and handed him a cup of water instinctively, helping him sit up to drink it. She took it after it was gone and clutched his hand, refusing to let go.

“What happened?”

She told him. She spoke of the other genins, and the Sand siblings, of mission failure and medical emergencies. She falls silent after several minutes of narration, because she knows the whole story and still has trouble swallowing that the boy she used to crush on was the cause of everything.

“Is Shikamaru…?”

“He and Asuma-sensei stepped out just a few minutes ago. He’s fine. Shaken, but not hurt too badly.”

There is silence for  a beat, and then he breathed a relieved sigh. “Of course he’s alright.”

His tone made Ino look hard at him. She squeezed his hand, and he met her eyes and she _understood._ She knew how someone you love can inspire you and make you envious at the same time. How they can make you doubt yourself and regardless of if they realize it or not, couldn’t change because it’s them and they are just too wonderful. She gets it.

He looks away first, but she uses the hand not holding his to turn his face back to her. Once he does, she smiles and leans in.

The kiss isn’t long, but it will last a lifetime, and Ino wonders how many perfect moments a lifetime can hold, and her smile grows larger, because she can taste just a hint of barbeque but no blood or medicine.

( _When he gets released from the hospital, there is no longer any hesitation in his step. Ino doesn’t know how much credit she can claim, but she’ll gloat secretly anyways.)_

* * *

 

The first time Ino broke was she was fifteen.

She had been completely happy, which is never good for a shinobi, but she didn’t realize how happy she was, so she was blameless. She had her best friend back, although she was still a large browed, pink haired trouble magnet. She had a new crush who helped the butterflies appear, and she had her boys, her teammates, who would stand by her for all time. And she had her father and mother and Asuma-sensei, who guided her and who she made proud.

Despite all the tension in the air, she was content. She knew that Konoha would stand tall, no matter what tried to break them.

But then that changed when Asuma-sensei came back with his team. Or rather, when he came back _carried_ by his team.

After she was told, she immediately went to see Shikamaru, meeting up with Choji by the time they got to his door. However, his father explained that he wasn’t there, but delivering a message and he didn’t know how long it would take, would they like to come in and wait? She and Choji glanced at each, and then she gave him a small and a hug. Choji walked inside, she turned and walked away. She had a habit of saying the wrong things sometimes.

At the funeral, she stood beside her team choking back tears, staring at the picture of her teacher. Shikamaru had taken her right and Choji her left, and she reached down, grabbing their hands tightly and squeezing. Choji had squeezed back while Shikamaru didn’t even clasp her hand.

For days she stood shinobi strong, and busied herself with training and finding out everything about the state of affairs. She had never lost anyone and had no basis of comparison, but she seemed to be doing ok, she supposed. She hurt and she was numb but the pain was manageable.

A week after Asuma-sensei’s death, she heard a knock on the flower shop door. Despite the fact that it was after close, she walked over and peered out. Immediately recognizing the figure of Kurenai-sensei, she unlocked the door and opened it for her. Stepping in out of the cold air, Kurenai smiled at her.

“Good evening. I’m sorry to bother you so late.”

“It’s never a bother, Kurenai-sensei. What can I help you with” 

Kurenai held up a box. “I…understand it’s your birthday in a few days.” Ino was silent, watching her with wide eyes and a suspicion settling in her stomach. “As…Asuma-san had already wrapped your present.”

Ino didn’t know what the burning sensation behind her eyes was, but she took the box Kurenai offered her and clutched it tightly. The two kunoichi stood for a minute in silence, and then Ino bowed low, unable to speak. Kurenai put a hand on her shoulder briefly, then turned and left Ino in silence.

Locking the door behind her, the blonde went upstairs and locked herself in her room, setting the box on her bed. Ignoring it for a moment, she went through her nightly bedtime ritual: wash her face, brush her teeth, change into night clothes, check her weapons, pack her bag for the next day, lay out her outfit. Then and only then did she turn her attention to the last thing Asuma-sensei would give her.

Sitting cross legged on her covers, she turned the small box around in her fingers. It was about the size of a book, and unwrapped. It took her several moments, but she finally gathered to courage to lift the lid off of it. Inside, she found new tanto with its own covering. It had a purple wrap around the hilt. Unsheathing it, she tested the balance. Perfect, of course. Fingering it, she looked into the box to see if there was anything else. Gasping, she reached in.

There was a framed picture. She remembered the day well, they had just been dismissed from the Hokage’s office and were on the way to eat. She had grabbed her camera and jumped around to each of her boys, wrapping an arm around them and them leaning in close and clicking like crazy. Shikamaru had tried to avoid her, Choji had cheesed it up with her, and Asuma-sensei had only let her take one with him, but he had smiled and wrapped an arm around her too, even though she had grabbed cigarette out of his mouth so she wouldn’t get burned when she just popped out of nowhere. That was the picture she now held in her hands.

She traced her teacher’s face with her finger, and then hugged the image to her chest, feeling the corner dig into her skin just above her heart, and then she was crying and shaking, rocking back and forth.

( _Ino realized much later than the reason she didn’t cry earlier was because she was so focused on what she still had that she didn’t realize how enormous of a loss it was. Even after her team assembled at the gates and Kakashi and Tsunade and Shikamaru spoke, all she felt was empty, even with the wind whipping around her and the branches scratching her skin.)_

* * *

 

Ino thought about losing her virginity in the abstract, not sure of any details except that she would be in love, planned, and it would be a happy occasion. She was wrong on all accounts, but that doesn’t make it less special and meaningful.

She had been having lunch with Choji, as was their tradition, when he brought up the fact that Shikamaru hadn’t been out of his house in a few days (a new tradition Shikamaru wanted to start), and that this morning, wouldn’t even answer the door for Choji (a first, in all their years of friendship). Choji was concerned, and when Choji was concerned, Ino was in full on panic. Ino told Choji she would try to talk to him also, and after lunch, they hugged and she went across the town, knocking on her (depressed) lazy teammate’s door. When there was no answer, she turned the knob, scowling when it did the expected nothing. Grabbing a senbon, she picked the lock easily and walking in.

She found her unmotivated teammate lying on his bed, staring out the curtained windows. She walked over to him, her foot sending something skidding. Looking down, she saw it was a bowl full of ash and cigarette butts. She sighed and gently kicked one of his legs that were hanging off the bed. “Shikamaru.” He grunted and didn’t look at her. She kicked harder, a grim smirk lining her face when he cussed under his breath and sat up, glaring at her.

“Who let you in?”

“Your front door was open.” She put her hands on her hips.

“Breaking and entering is a crime, you know.” He rubbed at his ankle.

“For us, it’s a training exercise.” He rolled his eyes and looked away from her, but she wasn’t deterred. “Why didn’t you answer the door for Choji?” When he shrugged, she felt like growling. “Shikamaru, we are worried about you. This isn’t like you.” He scowling and stood up, walking past her. Switching from annoyed and worried to upset, Ino followed. “Hey, I’m lecturing you right now. You aren’t allowed to walk away from a lecture.”

“Not now, Ino.”

And now she was downright angry. “Yes, now! Shikamaru, you ignored your BEST FRIEND. You won’t come out of your house or room for days, and you quite frankly look like you don’t even get out of _bed_ half the time. I know that things are rough right now, but that’s what we are for, you know!” She grabbed his shoulder and pulled him around to glare in his face.

His face…his eyes were red and puffy, and she saw stubble around his chin and lips. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair was out of its usual ponytail and looked tangled. She had seen him when she walked in, yeah, but this close up there was no denying it. He was a mess, worse than she had seen him ever, even when they came back from the mission, even when Choji was in the hospital. “Oh, Shikamaru…”

She drew him into a hug, tightening when he tensed. After a moment, his arms came up and circled her waist gently and he rested his head on her shoulder. She lost track of how long they stood there, just breathing together.

“What ifs.” He breathed it in her ear, voice gruff and low.

“Huh?”

His arms tightened around her the more he spoke, but she never noticed. “The what ifs. They won’t leave me alone. What if I had done something different? What if anyone else was assigned? What if we had more time? What if, what if, what if! At first I was consumed by wanting to kill the people who killed him, and then after that, I thought I would be fine. But I can’t stop replaying it in my head, can’t stop thinking of what could have gone differently or better or…or…I can’t sleep, I can’t…” He broke off in a shudder, burying his face in her shoulder and she responded by tightening her arms and running a hand through his hair, top to bottom, repeat.

She should have known. She and Choji know more than anyone what makes Shikamaru tick, and the fact that his brain just couldn’t turn off would torture him. His perfect memory would help to drive home the pain again and again, while also being sure to taunt him with the damn hindsight. She hadn’t even been there when it had happened, and what her brain could imagine paled in comparison to the truth, she was sure. Her heart sunk.

Shikamaru was breaking in front of their eyes, and she didn’t know how to help him. She needed to find a way to stop his cycle of thought. Ino shifted, made Shikamaru look at her so she could talk to him, say something and hope it wouldn’t be the wrong thing. When he finally met her eyes, all the words she planned flew out of her throat at the sight of crystals in his eyes.

He was crying, and Ino decided that words were stupid anyways and leaned forward and kissed him, because she _understood_. The hand that was petting his hair clutched the back of his neck and her other hand drew him against her. His hesitation lasted only seconds before he was clutching her like he had been lost at sea, and deepened the kiss. She tasted nicotine and raspberries and spun him towards the bed, pulling at his shirt as she did so.

The actual sex was a haze of touch and feeling, but Ino clearly remembered wondering who taught him to kiss because oh man did he know how.

Afterwards, they lay facing each other under the sheets. She played with his hair as he just lay there. He caught her gaze and for the first time in months, smiled. It was small and his eyes were still troubled, but it was a _start._ She almost broke down crying at the sight of it. Leaning her forehead against his, she smiled back.

“We’ll get through this.” He nodded and rubbed his nose against hers. “Now, you troublesome boy, get some sleep.” Tucking the blanket in around them, she smiled at the peaceful snores that followed shortly after.

( _Had she told anyone, they would be shocked that a relationship never developed. Most people would assume that feelings would build or be revealed, but Ino wasn’t most people. She loved Shikamaru, but the thought of marrying him or sleeping with him more than that one time was enough to make her giggle with the absurdity. That day had been a comfort to them both, but they didn’t fit together that way. She had a feeling he didn’t mind though, if the fact that she caught him and the Suna diplomat cloud watching while holding hands meant anything. And seeing his face looking so peaceful, she didn’t mind either.)_

* * *

 

The first time Ino Yamanaka knew what to do with the rest of her life was something that she couldn’t have seen coming, but in hindsight, it was crystal clear.

Other than the standard team missions she went on, Ino was sent on numerous infiltration missions. Most kunoichi were. Sakura, as the Hokage’s pupil, was often sent on diplomatic missions. Hinata was sent on reconnaissance. Tenten was ideal for stealth strikes and assassinations.

Ino was ideal at spying and intelligence…her features were striking, and she could have numerous men and women eating out of her hands. With her bloodline abilities, she was also able to access areas that normally would be unreachable. Even under a henge or a wig, her sheer aura was enough to turn heads. She was approachable and lovely all at once, and she knew how to manipulate people, to twist their words against themselves and fluster or flatter them. When they were suspicious, she was able to either ease their minds, or make them second guess themselves until she was able to remove herself from the danger.

She had never really considered interrogation as a career path until one balmy day when Kurenai-sensei was missing. She had been on a D-rank mission, overseeing a field trip of Academy students when a missing nin happened to approach them. Seeing a heavily pregnant woman with a much of seven year olds would be the perfect opportunity to restock supplies. He stole all their backpacks and ended up leaving them lost in the mountains while taking Kurenai-sensei as a guide.

Some of the students had found a way to make it down the mountain, leading the others, and had promptly rung the alarm. Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, and Lee were the first ones sent out, since it seemed like everyone else was on a mission, but instead of turning up the kidnapper and his “guide”, they had found his partner hidden in a cave.

After a brief fight, they had subdued him and were questioning him. What is your name? What village are you from? Where is your partner? What is the rendezvous point? What is your objective? He either didn’t speak or would proposition her and Sakura and insult the men. After half an hour, they left him inside the damp, dank cave and stood outside to discuss the situation.

Shikamaru was growing more and more frustrated, and she could see him fingering the cigarettes in his pocket (he only smoke when he felt guilty or worried), Sakura was biting her lip, clearly worried about Kurenai’s condition (seven months pregnant and a prisoner, wandering around the forest), and Lee was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Ino-chan, why not use your jutsu to take over his mind and find out?” Lee asked after a few moments of thought.

The blonde shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way. If I don’t know enough of the story, then I just find random memories, thoughts, feelings…it takes so much longer to connect the dots than if I had prior information. It’s also easy to be mislead, especially when there’s just so much to sort through.”

Shikamaru knelt on the ground and closed his eyes, putting his fingers together. As the moments ticked on, Ino grew more and more fidgety. “Screw this.” Disregarding the questioning stares, Ino turned on her heel and stalked into the cave.

The missing nin smiled at her and opened his mouth to no doubt say a lewd comment, but Ino didn’t let him. Covering his mouth with her hand, she smiled sweetly at him. “My name is Ino. Now, let’s have a nice conversation, shall we?”

Only fifteen minutes later, Lee took the prisoner to Konoha to be put in jail, while Ino, Shikamaru and Sakura raced to the rendezvous spot to rescue Kurenai.

Afterwards in the hospital, while Sakura and Shizune monitored Kurenai-sensei and her baby, Shikamaru asked what she had done to make him talk. She smiled, all teeth and acid. “What I had to.”

“Remind me not to piss you off. Ever.” Was all he said, and she glanced at him, grateful he didn’t care.

_  
(Ino didn’t know how to feel that night, when everyone was asleep safe in their own bed. The man’s eyes had turned from confidence to fear to pain, but all Ino had felt was triumph. And as much as she hated to tell anyone, interrogating that man had given her a sense of calm that not much else had. It had cut through her worry and stress and centered her. Only months later, she had a new teacher: Ibiki.)_

* * *

 

Ino was well aware that she was possessive and loved many people, but she hadn’t realized quite how many people that she cared for strongly until she had nothing better to do except stand in a damn circle unmoving and hope she wasn’t attacked.

Just that morning she had been forced to attack her mentor, her teacher, her almost father. Asuma-sensei, controlled by someone who Ino hated with a rage far beyond anything she had felt or probably ever would felt. While everyone saw her as that calm, collected bitch who helped to knock sense into Choji, on the inside she was trembling and shaking and crying and screaming about how it was just too unfair, why! Asuma-sensei with his final words had helped her start healing.

Choji and Shikamaru, her foolish boys who she would protect and take care of until the day she died, even if she had to take down every enemy with her, who were literally her first memories of just about everything.

Her father, who gave her strength and had been ever since before she was born, who loved her even when she was imperfect and stupid, who she was so proud of.

Her mother, a civilian who nevertheless was a woman of courage and pride and who offered Ino everything she owned.

Sakura, her first betrayal and first rival, her first kindred spirit and best friend, who Ino wasn’t sure would make it out of this war unbroken but Ino would do her damndest to hedge her chances.

Hokage-sama, an inspiration and an ideal, who helped everyone she could, and who commanded Ino’s loyalties as few other did. Iruka-sensei, Ibiki-sensei, Kakashi, Kurenai, Gai…all of them protected her when she was younger and taught her so much.

Tenten and Hinata and Kiba, friends who she spent countless nights forgetting reality with, and Neji and Lee and Shino, who never judged and who always understood.

Naruto, who she had ignored and was so quick to dismiss, who was the pride of Konoha now, who they were fighting this war for, who commanded her respect more than even Hokage-sama.

Sai, who she wanted to kiss so badly when he was helping her and Sakura at the flower shop.

Even stupid Sasuke, who she would never love but couldn’t forget, who could have been one of them but had to be stupid and traitorous.

Her village, and every single person in it. All the other commanders and comrades she fought with, trusted her life with. All of them were precious.

Ino was, among many other traits, possessive. She hated to give things away. And no matter what Tobi (or Obito? She still wasn’t sure what to call him) had in mind, she would not give her life to him. He would not take away anymore things she loved.

( _Hope was on the way. Dawn would come and with it, the ability to move forward. And Ino would stand strong. She would never give up. She is kunoichi.)_


End file.
